My Lord, Sweet Jesus, No

With regards to K.C.'s latest:

But the question — as crazy as it sounds — that Bulls management has to ask itself is if it already has its alpha male superstar to build around in All-Star Rose.

Would the Bulls be better off adding a space-the-floor shooter in Johnson — whose only drama would be a poor performance in the Hawks' Eastern Conference semifinal loss to the Magic — and perhaps having enough money left to sign another piece?

Listen, I'm a reasonable man. I understand that, from an organizational control standpoint, signing LeBron comes with a fair amount of unsavory baggage. (If you doubt that, read Woj's recent columns.) But unless LBJ is demanding that his contract include a provision that allows him to partake in weekly menages-a-neuf with the mothers, wives and daughters of Forman, Paxson, and Reinsdorf, then I think the Bulls should just go ahead out on that limb and sign LeBron James over Joe Fucking Johnson.

One more thought, semi-related: Joe Johnson is apsafuckingtively NOT a "space-the-floor shooter." I know some folks thought I was too harsh about Joe in this post and that I was suggesting he was no better than Hinrich. For the record, I do think Joe Johnson is a (much) better (offensive) player than Hinrich, but not because of his outside shooting. Indeed, on that score, it's hard to tell the difference between Johnson (.373 career 3pt. FG%) and Hinrch (.379 career 3 pt. FG%). Indeed, even from 16-23 feet out, I would prefer Hinrich's 43 FG% over the past four years to Johnson's 39.5 FG%). Johnson does a lot of things better offensively than Hinrich, but shooting from the outside is not one of them.

If the Bulls are really so hard up for a space-the-floor shooter, there are plenty of legitimate options out there. You could throw a ton of money (or at least the MLE) at Ray Allen. You could throw $6-7 million a year at restricted free agents like Anthony Morrow or J.J. Redick. I'm not saying we should spend that kind of money on outside shooting---that would actually be pretty stupid; read Sham as to why---but it would at least be somewhat logical and it would be a helluva lot smarter than signing Joe Johnson for tons' more dough with the dopey, braindead-on-arrival idea that his outside shooting will give Derrick more room to maneuver.