Saturday, May 31, 2008

Sucks For Basketball Fans In Australia: The NBL Has Problems

In case you haven't heard, there are a handful of NBL players whose checks were lost in the mail. That kind of financial wizardry is certainly reminiscent of Isiah Thomas' CBA days, but will the Basketball Hall of Fame enshrine the owners of the Sydney Kings so quickly after telling the employees to fuck off, and die?

Friday, May 30, 2008


Since there really is nothing new to say about Doug Collins, Joakim Noah, or the draft, I'd like to take a moment to say nothing new about the low quality rags that occasionally have news about sports teams with arenas and stadiums in Chicago (or South Bend) printed on them.

Remember this classic game recap from K.C. Johnson?
Tyrus Thomas, who will be shopped, rebounded from picking up a foul 12 seconds after tipoff to fare well in a high-profile matchup with Kevin Garnett with a team- and season-high 24 points.
Oh that K.C., what a card. The Sun-Times won't let the Trib get away with a spite-contaminated game recap. They'll have their own Joe Cowley semi-anonymously* write one about the White Sox, and Orlando Cabrera. Everyone wins!

*Hot Shit College Student is my legal name.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

Pax's awesome plan begins to unfold

Let the Doug Collins era begin! I mean continue or begin again. To be reborn.

Oh god, Pax has no idea what he's doing. Ok, I'm starting to freak out a bit. If we're just trying to help people out, Norm Van Lear would totally be an assistant coach.

I'm assuming Hubie Brown turned us down.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

You Can Take It Or Leave It...

...but at least one more mouth (this one belonging to Joey Dorsey) is yapping that the Bulls are going to choose Beasley over Rose.

Pax denies it, but maybe that's because he knows some of us are still considering buying 11-game packages for next year. You won't like me (or get my money) when I'm angry, Pax.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Put On Your Helmets...

...grab your Molotovs, pitchfoks, pig's blood, and your "Hell, No! We Want Rose!" signs, and get ready for the Days of Rage. According to Ira Winderman:

[A] source familiar with the situation warned that those writing off the notion of the Bulls taking Beasley over Rose might be getting ahead of themselves. We're talking someone very close to the situation. ...
Tuesday night, I was sold on Rose to the Bulls. After working the phones Wednesday, the only certainty is that it's going to be a month full of bluster.

Our numbers are legion, Pax. Do not fuck with us.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

The Bulls Should Trade The #1 Pick

I'm kidding, but after reading Sam Smith's fresh Jermaine O'Neal trade suggestion (Hinrich has "great value"? Ben Gordon will get paid a lot? Tyrus Thomas is an athletic throw-in? Perpetually injured J.O. is worth players not named Larry Hughes or Andres Nocioni? Come on.), I have serious doubts that any offseason advice given to the Bulls will contain even microscopic amounts of sanity. Well, Sam did say the Bulls will draft Derrick Rose, but the Kyle Lowry bidding war canceled it out.

And good for Steve Schanwald, who won't be taking anyone's shit ever again, but plugging the season ticket hotline was an enormous misstep. Word is Sir Chuckles has been keeping all of the operators busy demanding to meet 'Stan' at the Wynn's craps table.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

OMFuckingG !!!!!!


YES !!!!!!

If we do not pick Derrick Rose, all 7 TYI contributors, plus whoever we can recruit from Blogabull will riot; the Days of Rage will pale in comparison.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Pau Gasol Raids My Closet, And Photographic Evidence That Veektor Can Half-Smile

'Big Boys' Don't Cry

Mike D'Antoni, looking and sounding duller every day. Sincere thanks to the Perm-a-Smirk's gut, because I doubt I could have handled a return to mediocrity with that sort of yap narrating it.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

D'Antoni's Decision Making As Fast As His Offense

Can you smell the desperation? Though I doubt the Bulls would have shelled out $6 million per year for a coach who may have done for the Bulls offensively what Skiles will likely do for the Bucks defensively, the latest from K.C. Johnson describes a situation you'd expect to see at 3:30 am in Ty's Lounge rather than a coaching search. Patient, sober decisions have been made before.

Mike D'Antoni gets to showcase his fast-paced offense in New York, Donnie Walsh (who has a shorter contract than D'Antoni) gets to relax while the coach and system take a beating if things don't work out, and Knick fans get to see a sucky roster use more possessions. I'm "emotionally committed" already.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Superfan on the Mic?

Oh, not that Swerski. With Funk heading to TV, I'm glad to see Wolverines are employable.


Sunday, May 04, 2008

what... What? WHAT?

"Show me a hero and I will write you a tragedy."
- Paul Hogan

Friday, May 02, 2008

Rude, Assy, Elitist

'Duh, da Bulls were stuck in the half-court when Skiles was coach. [Struggles to breath through meatball in mouth.] D'Antoni will get them to run a helluva lot more!'

Shaq-less, Boylan-less, Johnson-less, Cartwright-less Team Pace
Suns Pace Factor: 95.9
Bulls Pace Factor: 92.4
Suns Pace Factor: 95.8
Bulls Pace Factor: 92.9
Suns Pace Factor: 95.6
Bulls Pace Factor: 93.6

I am not good at math, but adjusting for Chris Duhon not shooting could make up the difference. I would have had more fun watching too.