Thursday, March 24, 2011

Just When You Thought You Couldn't Love This Team Any More

CHICAGO (AP) -- Chicago city officials were effusive in their praise for the Chicago Bulls basketball team this afternoon -- but not for the squad's recent winning streak.

Instead, the Bulls were honored for collectively saving 17 children trapped in a burning orphanage located near the United Center on the city's Near West Side.

"We are pride [sic] of this team. All 14 players contributed to preventing a terrible castrophy [sic]," outgoing Chicago Mayor Richard Daley said at a City Hall ceremony.

"This team will do what it needs to do," said star point guard Derrick Rose, who ordered a team bus to halt at the burning building and led his teammates into the decrepit structure after jumping through a fire-rimmed window open on the first floor.

Officials said they believe the orphanage may have been boobytrapped with incendiary devices. Sources tell the AP that authorities are questioning suspects today in South Beach, the Greater Boston area, and Los Angeles.

Regardless of the outcome of the criminal investigation, the team's heroics Wednesday will go down in the annals of Chicago fire history.

Fire spokesman Larry Langford said the Bulls were able to get the children out gracefully, using an ingenious handing-off system that expertly distributed the labor and played to each individual's personal strengths.

While back-up power forward Brian Scalabrine did not enter the building, even he played a crucial role in the rescue, providing water to other players and handing them blankets after the children were saved.

All props to Mr. Maidenberg for this.

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