Help, Readers!

I've been trying to come up with a list of "Slightly Less Edifying Things To Do With $60 Million Than Spend It On Ben Wallace." So far, all I've got is:

**Purchase a small atoll in the South Pacific, declare yourself autocrat, and legalize incest and necrophilia.

**Give it to Halliburton in a no-bid contract for Iraq reconstruction.

**Raze the Lincoln Memorial and replace it with a giant, solid-gold monument to George W. Bush.

**Buy as much skag with it as possible, then distribute it for free at your nearest grade school playground.

**Get change for it in $1 bills, roll them up individually, and shove each one up your ass, one by one. (Not sure about this one.)